But the VOICE OF TRUTH tells me a different story. The voice of truth says DO NOT BE AFRAID. The VOICE OF TRUTH says this is for My glory! Out of all the voices calling out to me, I would choose to listen and believe the VOICE OF TRUTH!
--Casting Crowns--
Have you had experiences in your life when there seemed to be an inner voice telling you to do or not to do something and yet you continued to ignore them only to later regret your actions? I have my fair share of those and here are 2 of them:It was one Monday after class in my senior year in college. My cousin and I were getting ready to go to my uncle's office located in Intramuros so we can collect his sponsorship for my yearbook. We have to go thru an underpass in order to get to his office. On that area are lots of pickpockets. Something told me not to bring my wallet for I might be a victim this time. I reasoned in my mind that I've passed that way a lot of times before and was never victimized so I decided against it. I'm pretty sure I also told myself God will help me. Since I also have my big brother Ronald's allowance for the week, I decided to leave his money in the boarding house.
So there went Lilibeth and myself holding hands with my purse in between us the moment we alighted from the jeep. We were chatting and looking at the merchandise being peddled in the sidewalks, not really paying attention to pickpockets (for who will be able to do it with my purse in between us while we were walking hand in hand?). While in the underpass, I felt someone is getting too close to us (that area was always crowded) and when I looked back, a boyish looking girl was tying her shoe lace. And we proceeded to the stairs leading to the Wallem Maritime building. At the top of the stairs, i had that feeling again. Looking back once more, I saw the same girl pointing at something to her companion.
When we arrived at my uncle's office, I noticed my purse's zipper was opened. And then I realized i've been pick-pocketed! My week's allowance was gone so was my Rolf's wallet sent by my grandmother Salud.
My uncle Hindenburg gave me extra money so we can pay for our fare back home. Praise God for generous uncles! And I was able to get by that week because of God's provisions.
Last month, I asked God for a sign if I should quit my job at BP or not. Lately, I've been dreading coming to work there. There were broken promises, unprofessionalism, insult, criticism, cheating, ego-tripping, superiority complex. It was not a fun place to work anymore.
Almost everyday during my last 2 weeks there, I hear or see things that made my heart sad. I was lectured every instance I tried to help a customer in my own way. I was told helping customers is not "being honest". Being honest, the boss man said was not only measured by my being honest about money. I still remember when he was convincing me in front of my daughter MJ to work full time for him because according to him, "i like you more than the other one because you are HONEST!"
I said to myself, "if in my job I cannot be of help as God wants all His creatures to do, then it is not worth it at all." Hence, the "Pls. Lord, give me a sign" prayer.
I thought God said "QUIT". A doubting Thomasina, I was rationalizing my staying on. The temptation was always the monetary aspect as my immigration status is limiting my chances to land a better paying, suitable job commensurate to my qualifications. The devil was tempting me. You have a car payment to make! Then God will say "you know for sure it will be taken care of". The devil said, You will have no more income by yourself! What about sending allowance to your mom? God said, "John said you will be able to help mommy whether you are working or not!" But what about your spending money? You like to shop, the devil prompted again. Majority of those you buy you do not need, anyway! You just wanted to have them, said my Lord. God said, If you love material things more than me, then you don't really obey me!
In retrospect, now I feel ashamed that I dilly-dallied in quitting my job. Everytime I tried to reason with God, He always told me I WILL PROVIDE.
I can express myself fluently in writing, but I am a coward when it comes to asserting what i really want to people. It is still a gray area for me until now and continues to struggle on it. John always comment on it because I seldom speak for myself. My justification was and still is - I don't want to offend anybody. It has caused me so much because I cannot assert myself verbally.
It cost me $50.88 out of my paycheck to finally quit my job on that fateful day (March 6th). I had to pay a gas run-off to realize God wanted me to quit. By that time, it was almost my van's full tank. And the amazing thing is, I did not even felt bad at all losing that money. I can reall that I actually did laugh about it in front of the lady boss. God even gave me a way out to get my paycheck that very night so I need not come back for it come payday time.
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord.
'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
Forgive me Father for not heeding Your call at times or better yet, many times. I thank You for Your faithfulness even though I fail You almost always... I praise You for Your mercy and blessings. Please send me Your spirit that I may change my old ways and make them pleasing to Your ways. Help me touch as many lives as I can and give me strength and calmness so I can minister to my family. Change my heart and fill it with Your love so they can't see my imperfections but rather see Your love through me. Also, Touch my lips so I will be able to assert myself when I need to. These, Heavenly Father, in the mighty name of Jesus Your Son, in the unity of the Holy Spirit I pray. Amen.
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