FORGIVE and FORGET

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.^[1] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.


Forgiveness is hard. The pain of a broken hurt, feelings, abuse or betrayal hangs on. Each day we remember that someone we cared about did us wrong or even a nameless, faceless stranger who made a bad decision or a choice for evil that left us to carry a lifelong load of hurt.


Then we pray those chilling words: ....as we forgive those who trespass against us....BUT where do we start? How can I forgive somebody who tore my heart out, who cut me so deeply, who damaged me so bad that years later I still feel the pain as if it happened yesterday?


According to Father Paul Boudreau, there are 3 Keys to Forgiveness:


Pray


Jesus says: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you and pray for those who abuse you. (Luke 6:27-28). It is the same part of the gospel where Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek and live by the Golden Rule: Do to others as you would have them do to you (v.31)


When we want to curse somebody, instead of saying God, damn this person, whisper silently these words to  our self: God, bless this person. We just change one word, he said and it will make a big difference. What's bound to happen is that the prayer will begin to heal our own heart. The more we bless our tormentor, the more we will be really able to mean it. Not only will it heal our own heart, it will begin to heal the distance between us.


Be Forgiven


In his 1st letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul wrote: "The cup of blessings that we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ? For we, though many are one bread and one body for we all partake of that one bread. (Chapter 10:16-17). We are one body in this one Lord.


Real communion with Christ is a participation, an immersion into the living experience of the presence of the Lord in our lives. Every time we receive communion, we do that. So if we want to really participate in forgiveness, we have to start by being forgiven. We can say "Father, I am carrying bitterness in my heart toward someone who has hurt me. I need to be forgiven."


When we consider how much all that God has forgiven in our lives, it all adds up. The deeper we search into the darkness of our own sinful souls, the deeper goes the forgiveness. If we look back at our lives, our own history, we realize that we've been forgiven so much. This ocean of forgiveness in us will begin to overflow into the lives of the people around us who need our forgiveness.


In this life, we know what we've been but in God's arms, we know what we are. We are Forgiven. We don't have to carry the weight of who we've been  'coz we are forgiven.


Forgiveness is an experience in which we are called to participate fully, actively and consciously. When asking for forgiveness becomes a living, organic reality in our lives, something happening to us all the time - Lord, I did it again! - then we're on our way to experience the healing that forgiving others can bring.


Profess Forgiveness


Some if not all of us carry a heavy load of hurt. If we want to be whole, we have to take it out of our system. But how? we might complain, for some didn't have it in their hearts to forgive. But it is not all about "feelings". It is about what is right and good to do. It is about what will help us to be at peace.


We can start by saying I forgive you every time we have a chance to say it. We can have reminders written all over - our notes, to-do-list,  fridge, doors, washroom, wallet, car, everything that we use most in a day. When we do that, slowly, over the course of many days, weeks or months, depending on our efforts, the difficult feelings we harbor toward our "offender" will begin to subside. It is not necessary to say it in the face of the offender; for most of the time, the offender will not have received it anyway. But our daily expression of forgiveness will progress from a pretense to actuality. In God's sweet time, we will really feel that we are forgiving that person.


It is surely hard to forgive. Easier said than done. But it is harder not to. The toxin of bitterness poisons the heart, and the burden of resentment weighs heavy on the soul. In one of my psychology subjects, there is a term called "psychophysiologic". It is the branch of physiology dealing with the relationship between physiological processes and thoughts, emotions, and behavior. It also means physical or mental conditions brought about by our thought processes and emotions. We might have encountered the phrase "it's all in the mind". It has a co-relation to all these. It brings sickness or diseases to people.


At the same time, forgiveness is the ointment that heals the hurt. From the suffering of the cross, Jesus forgave His crucifiers. If we truly want to be obedient to God, we can imitate Christ and forgive all those who trespass against us. The main difference, in my opinion,  between God and man is that, when God forgives, He forgets. When we forgive, we don't forget. With God's bountiful resources and blessings, we can get there - FORGIVE AND FORGET!

--We adore you, oh Christ and we bless You, because by your Holy Cross You have redeemed the world!